I never expected this to be easy. Yet I never expected it to be so lonely, which makes it so hard. Sure, anybody who has gone through it can relate, but not to the same level. It's like being in the same room, but separated by glass windows, so each section feels and looks different. That makes it even more lonely.
It feels like for every one step forward I get pushed 3 back.
It feels like for every discovery that remains to be made I already need to have the answers.
It feels like the very hand that shields me from the wolves is the same one that is about to unleash them.
How to extract what is in my mind? How to make it clear and use the right word in each place?
Writing is a process I've often compared to wine. First the grapes must grow and ripen. Then they must be gathered, and stomped. And then it sits, and sits some more. Until it has fermented properly and can be drank. Each wine needs its own time to ferment. Wine expert often shun Beaujolais. They see it as cheap, unworthy wine.
Maybe I'm at the stage of being stomped, so my writing can then ferment and become something great. But I worry that I'm asked to make Beaujolais. Of course Beaujolais has made its niche in the market. It sells great. It even has followers. But does that make it right?
Yet, do I really have time to worry about this? It's time to write and change things, and make it spectacular so it's not Beaujolais, on a Beaujolais timeframe. Sure could use one word of encouragement, one positive note, one recognition of the effort. Something. Anything?
No comments:
Post a Comment