One teeny tiny word of encouragement could make the difference

I never expected this to be easy. Yet I never expected it to be so lonely, which makes it so hard. Sure, anybody who has gone through it can relate, but not to the same level. It's like being in the same room, but separated by glass windows, so each section feels and looks different. That makes it even more lonely.

It feels like for every one step forward I get pushed 3 back.
It feels like for every discovery that remains to be made I already need to have the answers.
It feels like the very hand that shields me from the wolves is the same one that is about to unleash them.

How to extract what is in my mind? How to make it clear and use the right word in each place?

Writing is a process I've often compared to wine. First the grapes must grow and ripen. Then they must be gathered, and stomped. And then it sits, and sits some more. Until it has fermented properly and can be drank. Each wine needs its own time to ferment. Wine expert often shun Beaujolais. They see it as cheap, unworthy wine.

Maybe I'm at the stage of being stomped, so my writing can then ferment and become something great. But I worry that I'm asked to make Beaujolais. Of course Beaujolais has made its niche in the market. It sells great. It even has followers. But does that make it right?

Yet, do I really have time to worry about this? It's time to write and change things, and make it spectacular so it's not Beaujolais, on a Beaujolais timeframe. Sure could use one word of encouragement, one positive note, one recognition of the effort. Something. Anything?

A few weeks have gone by, and I'd love to say that I've made progress by leaps and bounds, but I haven't. Why? Because of life.

Teaching classes takes time. One needs to plan the lessons for each day. Then one needs to teach said lessons. One also needs to grade homework, grade assessment tests, grade participation, post said grades, and just plain keep track of the grades. In short it takes time.

Being a student also takes time. Those books I read are not like Harry Potter, where one can fly through it. No, each sentence is loaded in meaning, so it has to be pondered upon for several minutes before moving on. It feels like each page takes close to 15 minutes to read (maybe not, but it feels like it.) So basically, it takes time.

And then the little things in life that like to throw themselves in front of us, they add up to take time. Time away from valuable research time.

But, nonetheless, progress was made in the few weeks. Not nearly as much as during the summer months, but then there were fewer distractions. Still progress was made.

For one thing, I discussed various thoughts that were assailing me with my advisor, and we decided that my first direction was the best one. So I'm back to looking at authors with multicultural backgrounds. Not that I really looked anywhere else, even if I thought about it. And then I decided on one author that I want to use. I think. I mean she interests me, but I need to read everything that she wrote, and then pick my favorite work. So that's progress.

Baby steps. How does one eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I don't know that I broke though the skin yet, but I'm certainly getting close to it!

Until next time, with good news and more progress

So I thought I had it somewhat figured. Obviously not totally since I'm still exploring the elephant before I eat it, one bite at a time. But I thought I had a plan, a good plan. The road was set, I was going along.

Then I took a shower. And maybe it was just the water and it would have happened in the pool, but another idea took hold in my head. And I'm thinking it'd be a really fun and interesting project.

The evolution of mystery novels (in French language of course.)

This would span over several centuries, but it might be easier to narrow down the course work as there would be some major authors who wrote such books. George Simenon had a good run in the 20th century. And his character was turned into a TV show.

Who would have been the master of mysteries in the 18th century? 19th? How far back could the genre be traced? Wouldn't the format have been much different? And wouldn't that be a reflection of the (then) current culture?

It could be really interesting. So what to do? Trudge on the road I already started on, to the destination I set for? Come to a complete halt and start looking at mysteries (I imagine they'll be more fun to read than the weird stuff I'm reading now)? Or kind of look at both at the same time?

What makes someone special enough to earn a PhD? Is it really that hard? After all, to earn a Master's degree in French literature, one writes many long papers on various subjects, so wouldn't a doctorate be a similar process. Well, except for that dissertation bit, but if one can write, it's just a much longer paper.

Or is it? First one must find a subject.

Ok, check. I'm interested in multi culturism in Francophone writers, and how their own multi-culturality transpires in their writings. If they grew up in one country, but now live in another one, surely a bit of both cultures shows up, right? What about if their parents come from different countries, it affects a child, doesn't it?

That wasn't too hard. An interesting (to me) subject, now I just have to read and see what I find. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Is there a difference between the women and the men? One should be affected more than the other, I would think, maybe?

Now what? Oh, right. Reading. Where do I start? How do I know what francophone author has a "mixed culture"?

Some authors are recommended, so I start there. Then I look through a few books about francophone literature, and find more authors. I read some more. Good books, interesting books, weird books, bad books, depressing books. 

But wait! Just because they are writing in French, and they are from a country other than France, doesn't make them relevant to my study. A Canadian author is just that, Canadian! Unless he, or she, has some other cultural tie to another culture, he's not who I'm looking for. How many books did I read before I realized that? About 4, or 5, or 6.

So, back to square one. Actually back to square two. The list of francophone authors is important. I just have to take the time and research each of the author's background. Multi culture? Yes, I want to read your stuff. Only one culture? Sorry, I enjoyed your books but you don't matter to me, for right now.

So another list is drafted. Check with the library to see what is available for a starting point.

At some point I need to also do some research on what has been written on those authors. Has anybody else looked at the multiculture in francophone writers? How am I ever going to find all of this?

Panic is setting in. Do I have it in me? Can I actually do this? Deep breath. In. Out.

How do you eat an elephant? (What a bad image! The elephant is our mascot. Ok, just a detail) One step at a time. And right now I'm just charming the elephant, trying to decide if I want to eat it. No. I know that I want to eat it. I'm trying to decide how I want to eat it. What is the first bite I want to take, that's what I'm trying to figure out. And I need to chill on worrying about the seasoning and how I want to cook it. First, what part to eat? So I need to keep on examining the different parts of the elephant.

So back to reading I go!